My sweet lesbian
by Five seas
Summary: One date, and if you're not back to me in one week, I leave you alone." Normally, she'd have turned him down. But after seven years, her stubborness was worn around the edges. RenjiChizuru Part of the "Re-ducation" series.
1. My sweet lesbian

**I don't own Bleach.**

**This story is for all of you gullable people who feel like reading all the obnoxiousness I come up with. I intended this to be a one-shot, but I'm tired, so I'll be updating when I find the time. Viva la crack, and easy with the flames-I'm crazy and I like to put people in unlikely situations.**

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My sweet bespectacled lesbian

Chizuru was tapping her leg impatiently, looking around the busy street. That jackass! She was going to rip him to bits, the young woman thought. Asking her out on a date and not even showing up on time. And he had asked her not five minutes ago!

Jerk! She should've told him off, and then get a restriction order. Chad could probably do her a favor. Never mind if it's in Spanish, law and order was the same all over the globe. And this guy was getting too far-what kind of a pervert do you have to be to stalk a lesbian for over seven years and not get tired of it?

She really should've done that AGES ago. If she had, she would be free to go back to her place, eat a nice dinner and dream about Hime-chan all night, instead of standing in front of the library, waiting to go on a date with a GUY. How did she end up like this?

* * *

"_Don't get started on it! You haven't been on a date in your entire life!"_

"_Shut up! At least I'm planting my efforts in more…fruitful soil."  
_

"_Oh? You haven't stopped giving Inoue dirty looks even after she announced her engagement to Ishida. Is that your idea of fruitful?"_

"_Well, she and Ishida aren't big fans of PDA, but they don't even hold hands in public. You can never be too sure she's not trying a brokeback marriage."_

_  
"Inoue? Don't be ridiculous!"  
_

"_You're the one who's ridiculous? You're actually trying to persuade a woman, who's declared her eternal love for her own gender that it would be wonderful to try a relationship with a pig of the opposite sex!"_

"_If I was a pig, I'd have done more than beg you to go out with me."_

"_You son of a….What have I done to deserve this?!"  
_

"_Listen, we're both scorned by the people we care for, so why not try with each other?"_

"_Because I don't like you."_

"_But I like you!"_

"_This is the same refrain we've had for seven years now!"_

"_Seven and a half!"  
_

"_Whatever! My point is that this THING is like a broken record. You come, you make advances on me, I reject you and we argue, only in the end, when I think it's over, to have you come back with your offer for one last date to see if things could go."_

"_It's showing persistence. Unlike some other people."_

"_Nobody's been around me long enough to break up with me, Abarai?"  
_

"_My point exactly."_

"_What?!"_

"_I'm saying that you are delusional." Explained the red-head "You're so paranoid about what people say that you've decided that by being a lesbian you'd be free of being the object of gossip."_

"_I don't care about what people say, but I'll get paranoid about my underwear if you don't stop peeking under my skirt!"_

"_Listen, you, I'll make it simple for you-give me a chance to prove to you that men aren't that bad. One date with me, and then if by one week you're not back to me, begging me for more, I'll leave you alone."_

"_Fine!" she snapped "One date, but I'm warning you, I'm not going to like it."_

"_We'll see." His grin flashed in the night "Why don't you close this library up, and I'll be waiting for you out front."_

* * *

Ri-i-i-ight….she drawled mentally…that way! Stupid, blackmailing MALE pig! She usually treated guys like a part of the landscape, as long as they didn't pick on her beloved Hime-chan. But Abarai was an exception. She HATED him. With capital letters. Honestly, when she first saw him, she put him in the 'Player' category and didn't bother thinking about him again until…well, until he surprised her in front of Hime-chan's place.

Since then, there hadn't been a day when Chizuru hadn't been having a thought that included him, a machete and a pair of scissors. Bloody IDIOT! She felt like strangling him. How dare he even suggest that she was the delusional one!?!

Of course, her mind took a rather unpleasant turn, there isn't enough evidence to totally overthrow that theory, is there? She had, indeed, never been on a date in her entire life, and her childhood and adolescence had been surprisingly lacking in any fateful events that could explain why she acted like a lesbian…but neither was there anything to fully beat her conviction. So until Abarai did some magical trick to show her she was wrong, he'd be nothing more than a pig to her and that's period.

Chizuru finally spotted Renji making his way through the crowd, grinning like an idiot and holding out a bouquet of flowers.

"For my date." He grinned and presented her with them.

"How thoughtful." She murmured through gritted teeth-they were roses, her favorite. Renji offered her his arm to lean on as they mixed with the crowd and led her with confident, long strides through Karakura, occasionally making way for her and going around puddles from the rain. Chizuru was too concentrated on not making an angry face-so far, he was being a perfect gentleman.

* * *

A few hours later, the level of annoyance had decreased into a slight dissatisfaction, as both of them sat in a small restaurant, tucked between two buildings in the marketplace. He pulled her a chair on the counter so that they wouldn't have to stare at each other through the whole meal, and ordered a simple menu of ramen and yakizna.

It wasn't…that bad, Chizuru had to admit. He had taken her to a play instead of a movie, which was a comfort because she knew he wouldn't try to grope her in the theatre (it was just unfair, since the actors could see it), he had insisted on buying the tickets and even waited for half an hour for her to fix her make-up in the bathroom (_Beautiful bodies_ always did that to her). Then they had walked around the city, going into every shop that was still open for no apparent reason but to piss of the salesmen, and took a strode through the park to throw pebbles in the lake.

Ok, so she tried to ditch him a few time (read: whenever she had the opportunity for the first two hours), which wasn't very fair, but then again, that guy had eyes on the back of his head-he could read her like a book.

However, she couldn't deny that she had had fun, Chizuru thought as she sipped her noodles. Their date was more like the reunion of old childhood friends, instead of an impromptu courtship. Which was…cool, in a way, but it made her weary. Did he plan this? Stupid question, he had had seven years to plan this. She was still planning on how to get a roll between the sheets with Hime-chan, even if it was just to comb her hair.

Ok, so if this was a plan to make her come back to him after this date, there was a second part of it, a second part which Chizuru somehow didn't want to find out about. She had tried to avoid eating dinner together, because it would force her to actually talk to him and she didn't really feel like it.

Not that she couldn't, she tried to convince herself. She just didn't want to. She had everything under total control.

* * *

Renji could hardly stop the grin from spreading all over his face. She was confused. His plan was working perfectly. Now all he had to do is keep cool and don't show her how desperate he was.

After all, he didn't have Kuchiki taicho's amazing self-control. If it wasn't for the gigai slowing his reflexes by some degree (compliments to Urahara Kisuke), he wouldn't be able to sit so calmly on the chair, let alone look so composed. The darn love potion Mayuri-taicho created was too powerful. His friends were already getting worried about him. If Ikkaku wasn't getting regularly beaten up by both Yachiru and Rei, and occasionally scolded by Yumichika for being ugly, he'd have…well, probably dragged the girl by the hair somewhere and convinced her to show some charity.

Not that it mattered now, no sir, no way. If everything went according to plan, the nightmare would end before the week is out.

"So…how's the job?" he asked, trying to get her attention off the fish

"You tell me." Not feeling much hungry, Chizuru tried to keep to her barricade "You're hanging around there more than me."

Wincing, Renji decided to ignore the comment. She was in too deep if she was still hurling insults at him. "Not all the time. I have duties of my own to perform, you know."

"And what kind of duties may that be?" popping on her elbow, Chizuru gave him a questioning look, glad to have the subject off her private life for once

Killing beasts, saving the world and doing paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. But he wouldn't tell her that. "It's got something to do with the army. Defense."

"That may explain why you didn't run after Kuchiki-san in Africa." She was good, Renji thought, provoking him to lose it. Well, he had had enough of that from his captain. She gave him enough trouble as it is. "Though I don't think the barracks allow people to run off to stalk girls everyday."

"First of, I wasn't stalking you, and second-it wasn't EVERYDAY." At least, not that she knew of.

"Whatever. I just don't get it…" reaching for her glass, Chizuru took a long sip of green tea before turning to her companion again "Honestly, Abarai, what's with you? Most guys would give up after being told off once."

"Let's say I'm persistent."

Well, wasn't that just perfect, Chizuru thought grimly as he offered to pay up and get going. She bypassed him and quickly handed the money to the vendor, and grabbed her purse. She didn't want to owe him a dinner. Renji just smirked behind her back-everything was according to plan.

* * *

It was so late it could pass as early when Renji walked Chizuru to her apartment. Good thing tomorrow was a holiday and she could rest. They had gone through whatever 'fun' there was in Karakura before either of them felt tired (actually, Chizuru tried to wear Renji out, but of course, she didn't know what she was dealing with). To give credit when it's due, it had been fun, she thought. But that was only because he hadn't been trying to grope her or make another move on her. She avoided looking at him, but when she did feel his gaze settling upon her, there was something hot and tight settling in her stomach. What was that?

Standing on the doorstep, Chizuru turned to bid him goodnight and get this whole thing over with. Renji was standing on the bottom steps, looking positively relaxed…until you noticed his eyes that is. The lids were half-closed, but that didn't make the look in them less intimidating. What was he thinking? Maybe about eating her up, Chizuru thought, her mind immediately going on red alert…

Or at least…that's what she hoped for. Because for some reason she felt very hot in the rather windy summer night. She opened her mouth, hoping to sound calm and cool: "Well, that was amusing. I have to hand it to you, Abarai, you know how to make a good date. But don't expect me to be drooling all over you because you're fun."

Then, all of the sudden, her knees gave out and she tumbled in his arms. What had he done? Did he even move? It was more like he just got his hands out of his pockets to greet her. And that wasn't the worst. When their bodies touched, there was something weird, a surge of thrilling pain down her spine and then all the way up again. Her temperature suddenly shot sky high and her face must've turned as red as her hair. Renji also seemed to lose footing for a second, but then he was the same reliable rock he had always been.

Their eyes met for a brief moment before he let out a low laugh: "Now wasn't that a little awkward. You should be more careful." Chizuru opened her mouth to reply, but words were lost when he bent forward and caught her lips with his.

Her first reaction was…well, to slap him, to scream, to kick and scratch and run. Of course, none of this was possible, with her molded against him like clay. He sure had strong arms, and that wasn't the first time when he had gotten such a hold on her. And, dear God, he kissed her as if he wanted to devour her. Chizuru shut her eyes, expecting to feel the disgust and pain and humiliation from such a violation of personal space….

But nothing of the such came. Actually, she was surprised of the reactions her body was mustering. She liked it. And since "girl-like" was no word to apply for Abarai, it was definitely surprising that she didn't mind his tongue brushing her lips before exploring her mouth in long, thirsty gulps. Why was she allowing this? She should feel revolt and disgust, Chizuru thought, not…something like this. Gods, she felt like she had been whined up on a string and that she would burst any minute now.

No bursting came, but he did pull away because they both obviously needed air. Chizuru used that to break away from him, dancing a rather unsteady waltz to brace herself on the doorframe.

When she managed to look at him, Renji had regained his composure (if that was possible with him), and was giving her a small smirk.

"I'll see you in one week." He said "'Night."

She kept staring at him, before he turned around and walked away. If it wasn't for the slight tremble in her own knees, she would've seen him hobble a little in the distance. Then, when he was out of earshot, she slammed her palm against the doorframe. Idiot men!!!

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji / 0:1 **A/N-To all of you Ren/Chizu fans, I hope you'll enjoy this. Beautiful bodies is a play which I saw last year, totally feminist, and really fun.

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Since I'm not the type to beat around the bush, I'll be frank-I got a nasty F in chemistry-give me some reviews to make me feel better. Bye.


	2. Therapy

**This is only my idea of making a crack pairing work. Please don't flame me for being a homophobe. I only have to find a way to justify a sudden change of orientation.

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Therapy

Ishida Uruuyu wasn't a coward. He wouldn't flatter himself to be a Quincy if he was one. But there are things in life that are just so freakish people can't help feeling frightened. Things embedded into the very core of your existence, deeper than the instincts for self-preservation, deeper than the egoistic wish to be ok.

Like speeding cars and furious females, like periods and adolescence. Like loneliness and hatred. Like cold winds out in sea and colder beds.

Like Honsho Chizuru, sitting in the office, talking about kissing a guy!

"I swear, every time I think about him, something happens to me! Ishida-kun, do you think he's slipped something in my drink? I had tea, but…"

"Chizuru-san…" he tried to reason "Abarai-kun couldn't have done something like that. He may be loud and bad mannered, but he wouldn't take advantage of a girl. You told me yourself, he only kissed you."

"Yeah, but now every time I think of him, which is more often than I think of Hime-chan lately, I feel strange. Hot! Feverish! Wanting! This is absurd! I'm supposed to feel that for Hime-chan, right? You have no idea, but it's awful! I feel like I'll wet myself, but it's actually…" the next few lines made Ishida seriously wish for an amnesia. "What is that? What has he given to me?!" she yelled, making him look up at her. "Have you heard one word I said, Ishida-kun?!"

I wish I hadn't, Ishida sighed inwardly. Alas, every word was drilled in his mind forever. And if the annoyance of discussing his beloved fiancée with a woman who also loved her wasn't enough. How the hell was he supposed to explain this to a lesbian?

"Well, the symptoms you're describing…" he gulped "They don't coincide with any drug known to mankind…At least, I don't recall anything that has the same…bounding effect towards one person…" but he knew a drug in Seiretei that could do that. A drug, enhancing sexual desire and orientating it towards a single person, a drug that was currently a very big nuisance to the members of the 11th division. A drug that was the reason why Abarai was so obsessed with Chizuru and even though Ishida was sure he wouldn't stood down to using the same thing on her as well, the possibility still stood.

"But maybe he discovered a new one?" Chizuru said with some hope. "Maybe he's trying to poison me and make me go to him for the antidote!"

"Maybe it's perfectly natural. Abarai isn't a chemist, after all. And even though he's a hothead and with a considerably lower IQ than yours…" sorry, Renji, Ishida thought "…He's not foolish. He wouldn't toy around with chemicals. It's only reasonable."

"Argh, I don't know what's reasonable anymore!" Chizuru exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air "Why on Earth would I be having those thoughts if he hasn't poisoned me?! All I can think about is him, slamming me against a wall and pounding so hard into me that I…" _happy thoughts_, the doctor told himself, _happy thoughts, Ishida, you're in your happy place_ "…And while I may have these towards Hime-chan, I cannot possibly have them towards that red-headed barbarian!"

This is not on my qualifications list, Ishida thought desperately. Explaining what sexual desire is to a lesbian is definitely not what neurosurgeons do! With the things she used to say in school, Ishida had, in the dark and perverted part of his brain, assumed…well, actually, he never assumed, especially about things like this, but had taken for granted that Chizuru…Knew Things. After all, you can't haphazardly tell people you're a lesbian without knowing full well what it consisted. He…supposed that she was well educated.

But Orihime had asked him to be Chizuru's guide in life, when it became obvious that graduation did nothing to stop her advances towards his fiancée and therapists didn't help either. But still…Renji and Chizuru…Couldn't Abarai be just a little less perverted and fall for a heterosexual female? Bastard. If Ishida came across that baboon today, he'd turn his ass into a pin cushion.

Although, taking Chizuru out on a date and then kissing her had been a bold move. Thanks to one of their…séances, Ishida had learned that just for the sake of protecting herself from the "male pigs" as she called them, the librarian carried a small gun, two cans of pepper spray and a selection of well sharpened letter knifes (in case she needed to open a parcel or castrate someone). After hearing Chizuru's most intimate thoughts more than once, Ishida deduced that Renji was lucky to walk off in once piece after everything. But still…

"Chizuru-san, perhaps you should just talk to Abarai-kun. Maybe you two left some argument unsettled and now it's not giving you any peace…"

"Are you kidding me?! No way am I going to that buffoon!" Chizuru yelled "He's been stalking me for over seven years and he told me he'd let me be if I don't come running back to him within a week. How great is that?"

"But you said it yourself, you're disturbed and restless. And you're worried he might have poisoned you."

"Well, nothing stops me from demanding an antidote after the week's out." Chizuru stated, getting on her feet, but her entire body shivered. "Oh…"

"What is it?" Ishida looked at her, concerned.

"Nothing…" the dyke sighed "I just…remembered the color of his eyes…it's driving me nuts…OH, here it comes again!" she screamed in agony and broke into a dead run towards the bathroom.

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: 0:2**

The phone in Urahara's store rang persistently for ten full minutes before Jinta finally answered it.

"Hello, can I please speak to Abarai-san…" Ishida said, trying to force all the authority into his voice

"Eh? Speak up!" Jinta yelled "I can't even hear my own voice…oh, wait a sec…" there was some rustling, before the boy's voice came back "Sorry 'bout that, Quincy, I had to get the earplugs out."

"Why would you need earplugs? It's too late for an afternoon nap." Ishida enquired.

"I know, but Tenshou and the cat have locked themselves into his room, giving Mayuri's liquid a test drive." Jinta groaned "Honestly, who'd think they'd be this loud."

Ishida turned bright red. He made a mental note to talk to Ichigo and make sure none of this potion finds its way to the human market-things would get really ugly. However, his assumption that Renji gave Chizuru some of that love potion quickly turned into a theory.

"Can I speak to Abarai, now?" Ishida asked politely

"I'll try to, but freeloader-kun has locked himself in the basement. Apparently, he's turning the rocks into sand there, he's been lashing out Zabimaru on them since he came back three days ago."

"Really?" now wasn't this interesting, Ishida thought with a sly grin. So, that kiss hadn't affected only Chizuru. Well, revenge was sweet, the doctor thought. "In that case, don't bother him. I'll come personally after work to check on him." He suppressed a chuckle "I've been having a lot of patients with the same symptoms, I hope an epidemic doesn't burst out."

"An epidemic?" Jinta suddenly became hopeful "Is it very contagious? Maybe Urahara-jii will catch it and then he and the cat will have to stay put! Maybe I can even skip school for a while!"

"I would advice against going anywhere near Abarai, thought." Ishida said, waving Chizuru goodbye from his office window "You could never predict their actions."

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: 1:2**

Ishida lied-he didn't pass by after work, he made his secretary clear his schedule for the end of the day and dashed off to Urahara's shop, hoping that he'd make it before Renji destroyed the foundations of the building. Surprisingly, the owner of the store himself greeted him at the door and showed him down to the entrance to the basement. Either Jinta had gotten too excited over the possibility of a sick leave, or perhaps Abarai's methodical destruction of the basement had caught the former captain's attention.

When the Quincy entered the sandy basement he had duck in order to miss the charge Renji was making towards him. The bespectacled man jumped aside, but didn't hurry to restrain the raging shinigami. Instead, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, dusted off his suit and let his reiatsu slam down on the deranged lieutenant.

Renji was so tired he immediately fell down and found himself pinned to the ground. He groaned and tried to get up, but he was too tired and exhausted to withstand Ishida's spiritual pressure…Plus, the Quincy had never stopped training. His reiatsu could match a captain's, and Renji, despite having obtained bankai, was still a fukutaicho.

"Fuck…" he sighed, giving up.

"That bad, eh?" Ishida asked

"That bad."

* * *

Chizuru turned the TV off with a sigh and tucked her knees under her chin. It caused a fraction and a outburst of a mixture of pleasure and pain, but she had had her fair share of those during those few days. She had taken a sick leave from Ishida and she relied on her faithful employees not to burn down the library while she recovered from this…disease.

She sighed. The skirt she wore was flimsy, but did nothing to lessen the torture inflicted to her body.

What had he done to her? Her senses were sharpened, her skin tangled, her breasts felt heavy and hard, and everything about her was so…sensitive. Being loud-mouthed and uninhabited since high school, Chizuru wasn't entirely unfamiliar with these sensations, but never in her wildest fantasies had the reactions been so…intense and…astray. She knew a few ways to get rid of them, but the safest was to let him run his hands over her body, down her belly, under the hem of her skirt and…

NO! No! What she had to do was relax and get a hold of herself. She refused to be tempted! She absolutely REFUSED to believe Renji attracted her even _remotely_! It wasn't in her nature! She liked girls! Pretty girls like her Hime-chan.

Although if you ignored the tattoos and the muscles and the fact that he was a GUY, he could pass as Hime-chan.

NO! There is a big difference between girls and guys. A VERY big difference. Chizuru refused to be tempted. He WASN'T GOING TO BREAK HER! Just three more days…

Three more days of no sleep, no food, cold showers and restlessness. She was beginning to wonder if, when she went up to him and demanded an antidote, she would fail herself and jump him because she couldn't stand it any more. That would make the abstinence even more pointless, because once started, Chizuru couldn't imagine them stopping any time soon.

She refused to be tempted…but would it really be that bad? Aside from the fact that she hated guys, Chizuru couldn't come up with a single reason why would she stop herself from doing it. Not that it wasn't a GOOD reason, but right now, she couldn't think of any better ones.

_Could it be that he was right?, _her mischievous mind followed the train of thought her doubt had set. Chizuru had never been popular or pretty in the classical meaning of the word. Her father and mother had divorced, the former setting out to her beloved Ireland, while the former raised his daughter in Japan. He hadn't been around much, and from what she heard from those substitute mommies he brought every now and then home, sex was only a fulfilling of needs for the guys. She had come to the conclusion, then, that sex between girls, having no reproduction purposes behind it, was only for love and thus much more pleasurable. So, upon entering high school, she had been very happy to "come out of the closet" and proclaim her love for the most beautiful girl in the entire school-Orihime Inoue.

Perhaps it was because of her lack of a female role model (or, in fact, any role model) in her life. Her mother had left her with only vague memories and a couple of pictures that showed how her daughter had gotten her preposterous red hair. She really must've hated me, Chizuru thought, otherwise she would've contacted me somehow. The women her father brought home were all incredibly pretty and feminine, with hourglass-like figures and luscious hair, toned legs, models of perfection. Compared to them, she had always been an ugly duckling. Even now, Tatsuki was better looking than her, Chizuru thought bitterly. Perhaps being with another girl had been something like being like a 'real' woman for somebody. Perhaps the bitter experiences of her childhood had rendered her unable to think herself as worthy to be with a man.

But this is preposterous, Chizuru thought, why would I like ABARAI RENJI of all people? Maybe because he seems attracted to you no matter what stunt you put on him, her sub-consciousness called out. Maybe because he thinks you're enough of a woman for him. Think about it-have you ever been kissed like that? Has anyone kissed you or touched you, man or a woman, to make you decide what you want?

Well, I don't want him, she thought furiously, but every time she tried imagining him torn apart by hell-hounds, her thoughts drifted off to more…indecent themes.

Ok, so what if she accepted him? What if they had this affair? It would be over soon, she thought, and we would go on our separate ways. He doesn't want a quick conquest, he's made it perfectly clear, and he's humiliated himself enough for me until now. I could…

No, I couldn't, she thought furiously. No way, no how! I'm not going to go to that guy! NO WAY IN HELL!

She would wait, Chizuru thought with resolve. Then I would bump into him and tell him to give me an antidote. It'll pass by. I'll be fine. Like those women my father brought. I'll get over him. I'll use him up like a handkerchief. If he wouldn't give me an antidote, I'll force him to give it to me!

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: 1:3**

So were her thoughts for the next day, and when the night of the fifth day of that week came, Chizuru came out of her apartment and took a walk to the nearby park to clear her head. The summer night was surprisingly chilly, but it did just the thing for her exhausted body. She even paid to get on the carousel and rid the wooden horses (it didn't help to get rid of that uncomfortable throbbing, but she could exercise the movement of her hips without being bothered.

She ate cotton candy and thanked the Kami for her decision to come out. The fresh air did wonders to her already heated brain and she HAD to loosen up. When the rides closed, Chizuru decided to take a stroll around the artificial pond and throw pebbles in the water. She used to do it when she grew tired of sitting at home. During her wild high school period, she had imagined going there with Hime-chan. But now she couldn't look at the water without imagining his muscles rippling like the waves she made with her pebbles. Damn it!

She was thinking about what she would do if she understood what Renji had done to her. Kill him? No, death was too good for that no good, low-life, perverted, lesbian-obsessed…

At this point her thoughts were interrupted when Chizuru crushed into a considerably larger body. She bounced back and looked up, fully intending to scream at the intruder, when she realized it was no other than the cause of her troubles. Abarai Renji.

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: 2:3**A/N-I'm doing a school project. Can you help? Poll's on my profile page, please take a look at it.

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I hope you liked it. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays


	3. Instincts and Affection

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Happy New Year!

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**Instincts and Affection**

Chizuru nearly broke into a run when she saw him, but she refrained from doing it because a/ her legs were too week to run and b/ her pride wouldn't permit it. To her surprise, Renji didn't say or do anything. He didn't give any signs of acknowledging her presence either, he just stared at some point near her head, his eyes unseeing and his body-rigid like a statue.

The lieutenant of the 6th division had faced death many times. A great number of them had been during the Winter War, when he had spent the intervals between battles on a sickbed, once or twice it had been in his period in the eleventh division, and there had been some times when his taicho's blade slipped. And thrice because of Kurosaki-once, because of his blade, once, because of his reiatsu, and once, when he and Rukia married. The red-haired man knew the last time must've been the most devastating, but he had never thought that he could nearly die out of _arousal._

Right there, in the park, he really hadn't seen Chizuru until he bumped into her. Ishida had suggested a stroll to cool his nerves, but instead, when their bodies made contact, he thought he was burning alive. Every muscle in his body became stiff, his spine tingled, and a feeling of dreaded anticipation washed through his veins. He felt that if he didn't jump her right now, he'd die.

Why wasn't she in the same state? Oh yeah, she was still new to the feeling of a love potion. He wasn't even certain that it had affected her, but if she wasn't running or screaming at him, there had to be something…Or perhaps his state had frozen her in her tracks?

It was stunning, the fact that he had managed through those seven years without dying on her. Perhaps it was because he had hope that she would break. Even though she threw his advances to the trash and crushed him under her heel, she didn't do anything drastic to get rid of him, or say harsh words (ok, too harsh words). Somehow, he lived with hope that she would return his feelings.

And he still had it, but now that he had had a taste of her lips, he was lost. And the dread over the effects of Mayuri-taicho's love potion was the last nail in the coffin formed for Abarai Renji when he had taken that unfortunate sip of sake and then went straight to the real world. He regretted even more that, instead of minding his business, he had tried to catch a 'thief' trying to break into Inoue's place, and it had turned out to be Chizuru. Actually, he had regretted it so much he had actually went to the twelfth and begged Kurotsuchi on his knees to give him, if not an antidote, something to make him impotent for life.

To that request the freaky captain had laughed for a long time, before he told the miserable lieutenant that his potion was probably going to overrule any method he tried (except for "surgical intervention", to which Renji had responded that he would never get castrated willingly). What was more, even if the more…physical aspects of the love potion were overlooked, the affection and fondness of the other person remained, and Renji would still need a contact with his…paramour. To that, the lieutenant had had no response, but he had given up hope for a cure ages ago.

* * *

If there had been something positive in this whole ridiculous affair, it was that Chizuru got Renji to read. He even began liking Haruki Murakami's "Sputnik Sweetheart".

"Chizuru…" he opened his mouth, and that had done it. It wasn't like his voice was special, or that he had said something extraordinary, but the sound triggered such a flow of emotions the red-haired woman thought she was going to burn up alive. Her body shook fervently and broke into a cold sweat. Her breath hitched, and, unwillingly, she actually felt ashamed because she became incredibly uptight and…wet. If he could do that only with his voice, when he got his hands on her…

Wait a second? Did she just say when?

What was even more embarrassing was that she actually wondered why wasn't he touching her.

So she did the most logical thing a woman in her situation does.

She ran.

And Renji, apparently, decided to follow. Or at least his legs decided for him.

Chizuru cursed herself when she realized how late it was-not only was the park dark like a dungeon, but there weren't any people, and GUARDS, that could save her from that fiend. She didn't have to look over her shoulder to know he was pursuing her, and that feral look on his face had said it all-he wanted her, and he wasn't buying excuses tonight. A part of her urged her legs to go on, but the bigger half of her was actually trying to pull her to a stop. The muscles of her left and right body, bowing to the two respective sides, tried to execute the two opposite actions in the same time, and that, added to Renji's greater speed and trying to catch her resulted in one thing.

They crashed into each other and fell into the lake.

* * *

"Make no mistake, I'm letting you use my bathroom just because I don't want you to slap me with a lawsuit." Chizuru called from the kitchen.

"I guessed as much." Muttered Renji as he stuffed his clothes into the washing machine and turned it on. The water in the lake, although not very cold, had made them snap out of the preliminary shock and manage a few complete sentences. However, it hadn't removed much of the effects of the love potion and it took all of Renji's military training not to think about Chizuru, who was changing in her bedroom.

Since she was the lady, she had used the bathroom first, and made him stand shivering in the corridor until she was ready. Renji had taken care not to look at her towel-clad body when she charged into her room at full speed, but with the bathroom filled with her scent, it was more or less in vain.

Her apartment was in a modern building, which meant that her bathroom was in a western style-a shower and a tiled space that served not so much as a tub than as a buffer space to prevent the washing machine and dryer from getting wet. Which was a shame-right now, Renji felt like selling his soul (figuratively speaking) for a soak.

While he was waiting for the ancient piece of technology to kick in (the last thing he wanted was to pay for a new one), he was surprised to hear Chizuru's voice out the door.

"Listen here, before I say anything, I want to make it clear you ruined our deal. You bumped into me."

Too tired from the chase, Renji muttered: "That's true. You know I don't live in the park, so you couldn't have been walking around the lake in hopes to find me."

There was a pause before she asked:

"What have you slipped into my drink?" the demanding tone seemed soothed by the lack of the usual high-pitch notes she added when conversing with him. "Something weird has been happening to me ever since we went out on our date, and the only reason I can think of is that you've given something to me when I wasn't looking."

He took some time before answering: "What if I have? Is it so wrong if I tried to make you feel the same way as I feel for you?"

_"BASTARD!"_ Chizuru slapped the door angrily "I knew it! I knew you couldn't be trusted." Renji threw himself under the shower and turned on the water at full force, not wanting to hear her angry insults and pants. However, he washed as fast as he could, and stepped out of the shower in time to put his wet clothes in the dryer.

By that time, Chizuru had calmed down. "Have I really harmed you so?" Renji asked, not sure if she would still be there.

"Have you not gone far enough?" she replied evenly "All week I've been going through Hell, and your only excuse was that you wanted me to feel like you felt?" she took a couple of ragged, angry breaths, but she composed herself in time. "Will I die if I don't copulate with you?"

Bitterness in every syllable. Renji gulped miserably. "No, you won't. After all, I've been living with it for seven years now."

"That explains it all." She said sarcastically "I should've known better than to think that you could possibly feel something for me without being high on something."

"I wasn't high." The door was made out of matt glass and he could see her form crouching near the entrance. Now he had hurt her. Perfect, just perfect. Renji thought if he should commit suicide there and now. "I know it was below me to do that, but you left me with no choice. And if this'll make you feel any better, the…drug I had…and you have…won't work unless there is some sort of sympathy between the two people. So…even if I hadn't taken it…if we interacted as often as we did…I might have eventually fallen in love with you. As you have with me."

"And is that your proof?" she fumed "What makes you think I accepted to go out on a date with you just because I wanted to get rid of you?"

"You'd have gotten a restriction order first." Renji stated

"_Bastard."_ Usually, Chizuru would have kicked him out immediately, but she was too tired, and too horny to do whatever he wanted "Do you realize what you have done? You've forced your feelings and situation on me without even thinking about what I have to say! The only thing stopping me from reporting you as a rapist is that you haven't stuffed your thing between my legs!"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? You feel it, don't you? Did you think you were going to survive the week? How do you think I survived for seven years?"

"That is not the point. I don't like men!"

"Yes you do! The fact that it worked only proves the opposite! What can a girl do for you that I can't? It only means that we won't need a strap on to…"

"DAMN YOU! DOES EVEYRTHING IN THIS WORLD REVOLVE AROUND SEX" she screeched as she slammed the bathroom door open and entered, not paying the slightest attention to his sputtering protests. Because, aside from a short robe, she wasn't wearing anything else, but she was too angry to care "Yes, we may save some money for damn rubber toys, the way of penetration has nothing to do with it! This is all a stupid, heterosexual belief that I will not discuss with you! I will not discuss my dreams of love and the fantasies I had because they are irrelevant. Has it ever occurred to you that I might be interested in girls for wholly other reasons than intercourse? Perhaps you think it was an adolescent folly or a caprice? Well, you better rejoice, because you actually guessed right! I thought I was a lesbian because I wanted people to like me!"

He only stared as she took a breath and gulped hard.

"Abarai…Renji…" she stopped, realizing that she had actually said his name. Strangely, it sounded incredibly sweet on her tongue. She savored the feeling, before slowly picking up the scattered pieces of her thought "You may be right. I am a coward. It was…impossible to compare with beautiful girls like my mothers, Hime-chan, Kuchiki-san and Matsumoto-san, so I decided that it was better to love those girls, and not compete with them. But I didn't do it for the sole fear of rejection…I thought that only girls could offer me the understanding and attention I need. And looking at you, you ruthless, male, pig, I once again realize that I was right! What do you think about, besides your own needs and sex?"

Renji goggled at her-she was really out for blood. If anyone walked on them now, he'd have thought it nothing but a lover's quarrel. And their current state of undress really befitted the situation. He wondered how long it would take her to realize he was naked.

"You are selfish and ruthless and rude…" Chizuru stated angrily "And I cannot forgive you for lying, deceiving and tricking me! You can't expect me to love you! We are not in love! You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want to be attracted to me, and you made it impossible for me to have a normal life because of you. So since neither of us will be happy, here's a deal-we'll do it whenever we feel needy, but that's as far as it goes! No strings attached, no sentiments, no stupid pillow talk and most definitely not telling anyone about what we're doing."

Renji stared at her. "Do you realize what you're saying?" he asked.

The red haired dyke narrowed her eyes, before undoing the knot that held her robe together and shrugged it off. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and since they had gone this far…

"I won't repeat myself, Abarai! This is the last compromise I'm going to offer to you." She turned on her heel, deliberately letting her breasts bounce in the motion and slowly walked towards the end of the hall, to her bedroom. Turning over her shoulder, she narrowed her eyes "You want my body? Then come and get it!"

Usually, he would've argued. During the long years when he carried his unshared love for Rukia, there had been several times when he had stooped to the embraces of chance encounters, but he had always taken pains not to hurt their feelings. Despite his captain's opinion that he was an unrefined boar, Renji wasn't the type to force himself on a woman, and torture her because of his own needs. However, now every sense was overpowered by need. Strong and urgent need.

He caught her in mid-way and, scooping her up into his arms, ran the small distance to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut behind them, Renji took a moment to take a breath before putting her down on the bed.

Still, it was a little awkward. Chizuru was too horny to care, but Renji hadn't slept with a girl for a while. He wondered if he still had it in him…although, as he glanced downward, he had no trouble there…

He made a move to kiss her, but she only turned her head and forced his mouth down on her breast instead. He complied immediately, as he sucked on a nipple while his left hand kneaded the other breast, and his right grabbed onto her thigh.

"Faster, faster, faster…" she groaned and spread her legs, letting his hand slide between them.

Renji felt that his heart would burst out of his chest when he heard her moans and pants of pleasure, but he contained himself. He was careful not to harm her, knowing that it was hard the first time. He pulled away from her breasts (reluctantly), and trailed his lips downwards, until he reached her heated center. Chizuru cried, buried her hands into his hair and pushed him in as much as she could, until she couldn't handle it anymore, forced him to lie back on the bed and straddled him impatiently.

She paid little attention to the pain and bucked her hips wildly, trying hard to run ahead of the suffocating heat and want. Chizuru barely registered that Renji had sat up and was holding her, thrusting his hips in union with hers. One of his hands came down between then and rubbed her clit, bringing her closer and closer to the edge, but never throwing her over it.

Then, suddenly, they both saw white and gasped, with all the air being pulled out of their lungs in one swift motion. Her toes curled and his muscles tensed, while something like a bent broke inside of them and the pleasure gushed out if wild, uncontrollable waves. Chizuru's hails dug painfully into his back as she kept on riding the wave and he muffled a scream when he wholly lost himself into her.

* * *

For a while, neither said a word. Her limbs were weak and senseless, but even though he was not her Hime-chan, it had been worth it. Renji wiped a few strands of hair from her face and tickled her chin, before she made a biting gesture and murmured:

"Didn't I tell you, no pillow talk and stuff like that?"

"What? I was just checking out if you were still alive." He said, before rolling on top of her "Ready for round two?"

"What took you so long?" her tone was mocking, but it wasn't long before she was screaming his name in ecstasy again…and again…and again, until the sun dawned over Karakura and the birds took up their first songs for the day.

* * *

A/N-Sorry if it's clumsy. I'm debating whether to set them on a real date for Chizuru to realize her feelings for him, or just let her be in denial for a while before she accepts them. Which side do you support?


	4. Making a move

**

* * *

**

Making a move

Chizuru woke up with a sour taste in her mouth and a need for chocolate. The day had advanced, and a quick check with the calendar verified that she was on duty in the afternoon. Sighing, she got off bed.

The pain that hit her made her flinch and grasp her stomach. Her face wrinkled with dissatisfaction when she remembered what had happened last night. The red-head looked down on the sleeping man on her bed and snorted. More like what hadn't happened last night? That stupid jerk knew what he was doing-couldn't he be more careful?

She sighed again and walked carefully to the bathroom. She showered quickly and dried herself while she walked back into the room. The towel was slapped over a chair and she stormed her wardrobe for something comfortable. Not one look was thrown to Renji, who was sleeping so soundly that nothing seemed to wake him up. Chizuru huffed angrily and was about to go back to her task when her eyes fell on her reflection in the mirror.

She remembered why she had bought that-she had imagined that she and Hime might someday stand before it and then she would enjoy the feeling of her ecstatic face in it while she made love to her over and over again. Pretty selfish, but it had helped a lot of her old fantasies.

Now she looked at herself and couldn't help but feel a little upset. Chizuru didn't know what to expect of her sexual life, but she had imagined that there was something about the beginning of it that marked it as very special-light, euphoria, magical words, anything. To say that reality was disappointing was an understatement.

Of course, deep inside, Chizuru knew that her dreams of Orihime and she would never leave the fantasy land, but Abarai Renji had been the last person she wanted to have such a relationship with. And yet, they had come together so easily that if it hadn't been for whatever he had slipped into her drink, she might've thought it was love at first sight.

Abandoning her previous task, she walked up to the mirror and looked at herself better. There was no significant change in her appearance, she didn't feel much different either…But she couldn't lie to herself anymore-nothing could be the same after last night.

Chizuru bit her lip with frustration. No matter how she looked at this situation, there was nothing that could make her see things on the bight side-her former life was impossible to restore, her chances of making a new one were ruined, that dumb ass Renji was happy and she wasn't. They'd fucked like animals throughout the night, without one single sweet word or gesture coming from either of them-that had been the deal.

She shook her head, hoping to get rid of the dread-it was clear that neither of them liked the present situation. His affections had been bestowed….most unwillingly. And hers weren't any different. Ah, well, Chizuru thought, I might as well get the best of it.

Dressing quickly, she scribbled a note for him that he could take a shower before going, and as she was on her way out, she paused, took a wet towel and wiped his face carefully, before pulling the covers over his chest and running out.

* * *

Days passed in a blur, and the feeling of dread didn't go away. They met, he brought dinner, they had sex, she let him use the shower…nothing beyond that. No pillow talk or sweet words, no holding hands or watching movies together…No intimacy. Chizuru had to give him credit for one thing though-he didn't press her. Although it was obvious he wanted a little more than the senseless fucking, he didn't say a word (interesting, since it was supposed to be the other way around).

Sadly, things didn't get much brighter. She went to Ishida and saw Orihime…she cried "Hime-chan" and hugged her on impulse, but was surprised that nothing else came. She couldn't even make a wicked remark or attempt to grab her breasts. Her fiancé didn't miss a thing of it.

"So I suppose you and Abarai-kun came to an agreement?" he asked as they sat down in his office.

"Don't talk to me about that stupid baboon!" Chizuru yelled, but even that didn't make her feel better. She groaned with frustration "I don't get it. We screwed around, so why isn't he out of my system yet?"

Ishida winced. "Chizuru-san, please. There are people in this building who are in a very delicate condition. Don't scare them like that."

"Ah, sorry, Ishida, but I'm just so…pissed." She slumped back on the chair "WHY can't I move on?! I TOLD him that I didn't want a relationship. It's purely sexual. Why am I feeling so upset then?"

"Has Abarai-kun told you how he feels about this?"

"He TELLS me he loves me, but he also told me that it was all because of some…love drug, and apparently, he'd given me the same thing as well."

Ishida sighed and shook his head. Damn, why did Renji have to be such an honest…oh, well, he wasn't any better. "And?"

"AND?! Isn't there a law against this? He...he made me love him against my will!"

"Chizuru-san, making somebody love somebody else against their will is impossible."

"How would you know?" she pouted

"I just do. So, other than that, what did he tell you?"

"He said that he was sorry and that he had no other option…Like I believed him!"

"You should. He's an honest man."

"Yeah, but…" Chizuru threw her hands in the air "But…He told me that the drug wouldn't have worked if there wasn't at least sympathy for the other person, but why should he fall for me?! People in school avoided me just because of my preferences to Orihime…and Tatsuki beat me up…and…and…I just don't get it! He doesn't even know me…didn't…arh, I mean, he didn't know me back then, and he doesn't know me now, although he did stalk me and screwed my brains out…"

"Chizuru-san…" Ishida said quietly. For every other person, it would've been whining, but Quincy didn't whine. Nonetheless, the plead made the red-head get her thoughts back on track.

"What I mean to say is that he never really knew me, let alone feel some sort of sympathy towards me. And if I haven't gotten it wrong, he'd been in love with Rukia-chan for…all of his life. Why would he like me if I don't even remotely resemble her?"

"Perhaps he's realized that she loves someone else, and needs to let her move on. It's as simple as that."

"But…but…It's not logical. I mean…I DON'T GET IT!"

"Chizuru-san…" Ishida rubbed his temples slowly "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are asexual?"

"Good Lord, no! I've always thought to be homosexual, myself, and lately I might have decided to be bisexual, but that's as far as I'm willing to admit…" Chizuru paused and considered his words "Asexual doesn't mean that I like people of the opposite gender, does it?"

"That would be heterosexual, Chizuru-san. What I meant to say was…haven't you ever considered the possibility that sex isn't all that important in life?"

"Hell yeah, right after that brute started courting me!" she frowned "Was that your point? That I've lost interest in sex because of Renji?"

"No. Let me explain…" Ishida took a deep breath and bravely soldiered on "You told me that your father was not very…constant with his partners."

"Yes. He was horny 24/7 and the only woman he didn't set his sights on was me because I was too plain."

"Yes…well…You say that if sex is used so easily by adults to satisfy their…needs, you thought that it would be better if you were lesbian, because that way your needs wouldn't be for the sake of reproduction, correct? Asexual people tend to ignore sex and seek only love, and in some cases, they mistake it for homosexuality. What if you actually crave LOVE and not lust, and that's why you're so frustrated with the current situation with Abarai-kun?"

"That may be so, but…" she shut her mouth when she realized what she had said. Could it really be true? That she actually wanted love but didn't want to admit it?

It seemed logical. He was so persistent and told her repeatedly that he loved her, and still she turned him down because she thought he would break her heart…But he had told her that he gave her a drug, the same drug that made him love her….

And it had only made her lust after him. It hadn't affected her feelings. She thought that he would hurt her because he looked like that kind of men-a powerful daredevil, a womanizer, the dangerous kind…But looks were deceiving.

He was nothing like her father, at least. She had admitted enough-the last thing she wanted was to indulge Freud and say that she looked for him in the men she loved. Men. Great. Hell must've frozen all over.

"I have to go." She said and got on her feet. Without waiting for his response, she took off. Ishida smiled and adjusted his glasses.

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: 6:7**

Chizuru slammed the door of her apartment shut and rested against it to regain her composure. As soon as she breathed normally, she walked in and started looking into each room-in the kitchen, in the hall, under the tables and in the cupboards, as if she expected to find him crouching in there, waiting for her. She went everywhere, checked at every possible spot, and came to the conclusion that was _logical_ from the very beginning-there was nobody there.

She nearly laughed out loud-Of course. How could he be in there? She had never given him the spare keys, and after the first time, he'd never spent the entire night with her. Besides, she'd made it very clear that they weren't going to do any 'couple stuff'…So why did she expect him to be somewhere, waiting for her? Chizuru shook her head-irony left a bitter taste in one's mouth. The rules had been simple-take care of the problem, so that neither of us gets hurt. It seemed so simple, how could've it gone wrong?

Obviously, it could, because the sex wasn't what they'd been after. "How could've I been so stupid?!" Chizuru groaned as she rested against a wall and slowly sank to the floor. And Renji, although persistent, wasn't the type to swallow such an offence. "I just might have blown off the best chance I have for happiness in my entire miserable life!"

He had been running after her despite her harsh words and actions…but she'd never really meant it. And now…even if he decided to think that she hadn't been serious, he had no reason to forgive her. Women are supposed to make up their minds, right? She was so….STUPID!

Chizuru slammed her hand against the floor angrily. "Damn it, I have to find him!"

* * *

She changed from her suit into a t-shirt and shorts, and dashed out of the building at top speed. Her thoughts raced-Renji stayed in that store in the other end of town, where he helped out. She could take the bus or a cab, but the traffic jams would only make her even more tense. No, running was the only option. Taking short, rhythmic breaths, Chizuru took the shortcut through the park and arrived in front of Urahara's store in less than thirty minutes.

Ururu and Jinta, the teens that cleaned out front and arranged the merchandise, couldn't tell her where Renji was and she let herself into his room. She half expected to find him asleep on the bed, but she was stunned to discover, instead, her picture from graduation on the wall next to his futon.

Chizuru walked in cautiously, as if she was afraid to disturb something. The room was miniscule, a little larger than a broom closet and a lot smaller than a bathroom. It seemed almost impossible to picture Renji living in it, and yet this was supposed to be this dwelling for over ten years. There weren't any personal items around there either-just a chest for his clothes and a few pictures on the nightstand. She noticed the ones from Ichigo and Rukia's wedding in Okinawa, and a few from school…but the one that was placed on the wall, near the pillow of his futon, was hers.

She smiled-back then she had decided to curl her hair. It looked horrible and yet she had thought it was simply amazing. A lot of the pictures taken on graduation day had been of her harassing Orihime-the photographer had thought it was funny, until Ichigo, Ishida and Renji decided to cut in and remind him of his duties. There was a whole page in the yearbook where she was shown hugging, squeezing and laughing with Inoue…Chizuru had framed that one, but as soon as she and Renji…well, she had hidden it in the closet.

But the one on the wall wasn't with Orihime. She was standing alone, in her long robes, with a hat on her head and holding up the diploma proudly. She'd lasted for about ten seconds, before she'd thrown them in the air with a happy scream. The fact that he'd chosen this photo was…rather flattering. Chizuru hadn't pictured his room full of Playboy magazines, but it had never really made sense for him to like a person with a figure like hers. Still, he had a photograph of her, of a _serious_ her, placed so that he could sleep watching her smiling face. It gave her the warm fuzzies.

"You're freeloader-kun's girlfriend, aren't you?" A cheery voice tore her away from her thoughts and she turned around to face the owner of the store. Usually, she would have apologized for trespassing, but if that guy appeared in front of strangers dressed in an orange yukata, he probably didn't care much for formality.

"Yes, I am. I'm Honsho Chizuru."

"I knew you immediately." Urahara titled his hat up so that he could look at her better "My, my, he does have a taste. If I hadn't lost my heart a couple of lifetimes ago, I'd have gone after you, m'dear."

"Thanks." She smiled, not even paying attention to the familiar way he addressed her "Do you happen to know where I can find Abarai?"

"He left off half an hour ago with Strawberry-kun." Urahara brought a fan out of the obi of the yukata and waved it in front of his face "I think they were going off to serenade a lady."

"Oh…well, then, I should go." She bowed slightly "Sorry to interrupt…your work out, Urahara-san."

"Don't mention it, m'dear. We'll be seeing you around anyway." He waved her goodbye and then turned around to look at the small black cat in his feet "Yoruichi-san, you really shouldn't be walking around like that. You can catch a cold."

"Well…" the cat purred as she rubbed herself against his leg "I wouldn't go out in such a state if _someone_ didn't steal my robes."

Urahara looked down at his attire and laughed. "Ah, Gomen, Gomen, I didn't notice."

"Of course you didn't." came the silky reply as the cat walked with him towards his room.

"Would you like me to take it off and return it to you?" he asked as she transformed at the door and turned towards him.

"Just take it off. We'll think about the returning." She smiled coyly.

* * *

Chizuru walked back to her place slowly. Stamina came naturally with jogging, but she had reached her limit with the ran towards the shop, and she had no idea where Renji might be. If Ichigo came back and roped him into helping him serenade Rukia, they were probably getting beaten up by Kurosaki Isshin for not letting him in on the plan and she wasn't the person to get between those three when they fought.

Suddenly, she paused and frowned. Why would _Ichigo_ want to serenade_ Rukia_? Weren't they in Africa anyway…Urahara-san couldn't have lied, but if they'd just arrived….

Strange anticipation gripped her chest and she suddenly picked her pace up. Chizuru turned the corner…the complex came into view…she took the stairs that led to the inner yard…and she heard them:

"Ok, one, two, th…NO, dumb ass, after I count three, not on three! Jeez, I wonder why I took you here!"

"Because I can play this damn thing properly, moron!"

"Are you suggesting that I can't, idiot!"

"I'm not suggesting, I'm saying it!"

"Is this all the thanks I get from saving you from Rukia's wrath? You punched her brother in the face and you're hoping to get away with it?"

"Shut up, you're just jealous because I did what you were too scared to do!"

"Oh, gimme that guitar already. I'll play and sing, you can just stand back and watch a pro in action."

"Are you trying to deafen that poor girl? You can't play AND sing in tune, dumb ass!"

"Can too! Just…watch me!"

Chizuru stepped out in the opening. "If you dare open your mouth, Renji, I'll personally kill you!"

The two men jumped two feet in the air and whirled around to face her. Renji's face turned as red as his hair at the sight of the girl in front of him-her hair was disheveled, her cheeks were flushed, and her clothes were seat-soaked and wrinkled. Forget the serenade, he wanted to grab her through the waist, take her to the bedroom and lock the door for a week. Hell, forget the bedroom, they might not make it past the hall…or might end up doing it on the staircase.

"Chizuru-san…" Ichigo began, but was cut off by her maximum death glare.

"Run along, Strawberry, I know that you've got other things to do." Hands on her hips, she was the definition of an angry woman "Punching your brother in law today was a stupid thing indeed, because Abarai here won't save you. And you…" she turned her attention to Renji "…You're in a lot of trouble, mister. Here I am running around through half the city looking for you and you have the nerve to come up here and embarrass me in front of my neighbors. Don't try to hide behind that guitar, Renji, and look at me! We're going to have a long talk, and you'll be lucky if I decide to cut you off only for a week when we're done."

The silence settled. Chizuru had to take a few moments to catch her breath, since she hadn't had the chance to take one in the last few minutes. Renji stared at her dumbstruck, unsure if he should believe what he'd just heard. Ichigo, on his part, hadn't left, and he was pretty sure his buddy needed him more than Rukia did at the moment, because he intervened:

"Chizuru-san, I was the one who suggested the serenade, so…"

"SCRAM!" both red-heads yelled at the same time

* * *

**Omake: **

"Alright, Ichigo, let's rehearse."

"Huh? Why should we do that?"

"Duh, we have to do it properly."

"Fine, let's try, three, two, one…You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING!"

"Jeez, Ichigo, you sound like a strangled cat!"

"Look who's talking! You can't even play that guitar properly."

"I haven't warmed up yet. Here…"

Ding! A string broke.

Silence.

"Ah well, we didn't need that one anyway."

* * *

A/N-Sorry for the wait everyone. I hope you liked this. It's not the final chapter, but I have a question for you-when I finish this, should I take a shot at yuri. I have an idea, a serious one...but I'm missing the perfect pairing. First, do you guys want me to write yuri? And if you do, which couple? All suggestions are welcome, as long as it's not incest. Crack especially, you guys know how much I like it. The reason behind this question? Check the only copy/paste there is on my profile page.

More coming soon...hopefully.

F.S.


	5. Chizuru on self realization

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Chizuru on self-realization

The door was slammed shut, the guitar-put carefully away, and Renji was seated in one of the kitchen chairs. He was itching to squeeze his hands together, but he realized that it'd be too childish a gesture. His eyes zapped between Chizuru and the floor, never resting on the latter for longer than two seconds. Her gaze was eating him up like acid, and he was getting the feeling that she wanted to kill him.

Then, she groaned loudly and threw her hands in the air: "God Damn it, Renji, look at me!"

"Yes!" his head snapped up to meet her eyes so fast it hurt. Chizuru was flaring, but when wasn't she? Her anger was so wild that it was like taming a wild horse-The experience was long and painful, but totally exhilarating. "I mean…what's wrong?"

"Shut up! Did I tell you to say anything? No, I didn't!" she paced around the kitchen, gritting her teeth "How did I end up falling for someone like you, darn it!"

"Chizuru…" he opened his mouth, but a single death glare from her made him reconsider.

"Damn it all to Hell!" she screamed and turned around to face him "FINE! I ADMIT IT! YOU WERE RIGHT! I WAS WRONG! I hope you're happy." She sank down on a chair, pouting, and added in a murmur. "This was stupid."

"What was stupid?" Renji asked, now even more confused than ever "Are you mad with me?"

"No, damn you! Why does it always have to be about you?! It's me, it's me this time! I'm the…I'm…I'm sorry! You were right!"

"About what?"

"About me…About what…You were right, ok!"

"What about you? Have I said something wrong?"

"Gah!" she groaned, then meekly hid her face in her folded hands and took a few deep breaths "Damn it! Fine, I'll say all of it! Stupid men!" He was amazed at the face he saw when she looked up at him-her jaw was clenched, her eyes were stern, her entire face was set in an impenetrable mask. "You were right when you told me that I've been fooling myself. You were right to think that I was acting like a lesbian because I wanted to. You were right to say that I was making things up because I wasn't being myself." She sighed "Damn it, I never thought that I would be like this!"

"Like what? Chizuru, what happened to you?" Renji stared at her

"You mean now, or what led me to believe I liked girls? Never mind, I'll tell you both." Chizuru gritted her teeth with frustration "When I was little, my parents divorced-she was partial to activists, and he was a bureaucrat. Not a match made in heaven, but it still came as a shock to everyone. They had some issues and she got aggressive during the trial, so I ended up with my dad. It wasn't much later when he started bringing women at home with him. Beautiful, well endowed women." Her fists clenched "As I was growing, they seemed to get even more beautiful. As if he was seeing all my faults and throwing them back at may face. It seemed like everything you needed to succeed in this world was everything that I was not. In the end, I believed him, and I began turning towards girls."

"It seemed so much easier." She continued "Their love is so untamed, so natural. They have no need to lie to each other, or cheat, because they don't need to reproduce to make love. And then suddenly, YOU show up and tell me that I'm het…that sent me over the edge. Today I went to see Ishida, and we talked through this…He asked me if I ever considered the thought that I was asexual…that I wanted romantic love, not sex. I thought about it and…Darn, what else do you want me to say?!"

"I don't want you to say anything…" Renji began "I just…wait, let me get this straight…you went to Ishida, and he actually made you realize what I've been telling you for these last seven years?"

"Hey, I just spilled my entire life story here, bastard!" she yelled "Can't you show a little more sensibility?!"

"Sorry, I just…Dang, if I knew he'd beat some sense into your head, I'd have taken you to see him a long time ago!"

"And avoided drugging me?! Arh, forget it! I'm not talking to you!" Chizuru yelled and turned her back to him, then crossed her hands in front of her chest childishly.

"Hey, wait a minute! What did I do now?"

"You turned everything towards yourself again!?!"

"Wha…Hey, look at me! Chizuru!" he circled the table, but she turned her head and refused to look at him, until he grabbed her through the waist and brought her flush against him. She scowled, but she had no other choice. Their eyes met. "What do you want me to do?"

She huffed, giving up. "Forget it. I was being bitchy. I guess I was hoping that the sappy story would get you to soften up, but the truth is that I'm as dumb as a rock."

"Why?" as soon as the words left his mouth, it hit him "Chizuru, do you think that, because you didn't want us to be intimate, that I would be too insulted and wouldn't want to love you anymore?"

"Well, of course! There is absolutely no way in the history of history that a guy would tell you he loves you twice after something like that! And besides, you never wanted to like me! You get the sex and that's all that…"

"If you dare finish that sentence…" Renji's voice was low, but the deadly intent was obvious "Chizuru, I've already told you I love you. I never went back on that."

"Yeah, but…" she bit her lip so hard it bled "Oh, for Christ's sake, Renji, can you honestly look at me in the eye without getting pissed?!"

"Of course I can't! You insulted and humiliated me on every occasion, refused to listen to some sense, and actually had the nerve to think about it after that Quincy told you!" Renji sighed and shook his head "But you had the guts to come here and admit that you were wrong, Chizuru."

"That's not enough to forgive, baka!" she screeched.

"Yeah, but it's enough to forget." He grinned "Besides, even if I wanted to rant about it, I can't keep away from you for too long, now, can I?"

"Wonderful deduction." Chizuru said acidly "And pray, what will you do if we can't stand each other? Grit our teeth and put up with it because our bodies can't do without each other?"

"Siamese twins do it all the time." Renji shrugged "Besides, it's fate. We wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't meant to be together."

"Or at least meant to get along." She snorted, but relaxed against his chest. "You know…" her voice came as a whisper "…I know that it's not worth listening to a guy that screws anything with a pulse, but sometimes, I wondered if my dad wasn't right. That I wouldn't be enough for anyone…."

"Hell no!" Renji pulled her up against his body and forced her to look up again. "A guy that picks on your self-esteem, hell, even if he's your father…Damn it, do I even have to tell you? You're an intelligent woman, you can figure it out yourself! He could never have done something like that for your own good!"

"Yes, intelligent…" Chizuru laughed bitterly "People think that if someone's intelligent, he could figure out every little thing. That they are able to read every gesture, every movement, every look, and know exactly what the others are thinking, why are they doing what they do, and if it's worth getting worked out over it. An intelligent person isn't a perfect human, Renji. They just get less attention, and it's not so great as you think him. Do you think that…" she suppressed a sob "Do you think that you can live forever rigid and frozen, without the warmth of a single human being? A little affection, a little attentiveness…Is that too much to ask?"

Renji stroked her hair and hugged her tighter. "Are you going to kiss me already?" she complained, pouting "My neck hurts from looking up at you."

"Hell, why didn't you say so?" he snapped back to reality and fell down on a chair, with Chizuru automatically straddling his hips

"Moron." She mumbled when he crashed his lips to hers, and froze all over when it hit her. He kissed her! He hadn't done that since…since…well, since their first date. And whose fault is that? She shook her head inwardly and returned the kiss.

It was sweeter than she remembered, and much more intense. Chizuru scooted closer and plastered herself on him as much as it was possible. He let out a choked laugher and ran his hands down her back and settled them on her thighs. She moaned and rocked her hips against his, then grinned evilly when she felt his response.

Just as he started to take her top off, the doorbell rang. Renji covered her ears and tried on concentrate on her lips and neck, but the visitor, whoever he was, was a persistent one. A few minutes later the infernal ringing had him jump off the chair.

"Listen here, buddy, can't you…" Renji froze when he saw no other than his employer, Urahara Kisuke, standing in the doorway, grinning like a cabbage, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. "Urahara-san!"

"Yare, yare, freeloader-kun, that's some way to greet someone. You need to work on your people skills." He scolded him playfully

"Sorry, I was just…we were just…er…What are you doing here?" Renji asked

"Oh, just passing by. I have urgent business, but since Ishida-kun asked so nicely…" he shrugged "Anyway, for your lovely lady." Urahara pushed the flowers into his hands "I think she'll like them."

"Roses? Urahara-san…" Renji stopped talking as soon as he realized that the corridor was empty. He put his head out the threshold and looked around-nope, no one.

"What's going on?" Chizuru walked out of the kitchen, hands on her hips. Her t-shirt was still off, leaving her in nothing but a red bra. The sight made his brain short-circuit for a second.

"Er…." He looked down at the bouquet in his hands "Happy anniversary?"

"What's with the question mark?" she asked, picking the flowers up and kissing him again. No, he wasn't telling her about Urahara san. That could've been one of his experimental gigais…she needn't know that yet…the rest of his thought was lost.

Chizuru pulled away with a sly grin. His face must've been questioning, because she backed towards the bedroom, crooking her finger seductively towards him: "Come along now. We can't stay there all day."

"Do you have something in mind, Miss. Honsho?" Renji asked, turning towards her fully. Chizuru's eyes became lustful as she licked her lips and reached back to undo the clip of her bra. As the piece of lingerie fell on the floor and his mouth went dry, she laughed huskily and hid behind the roses.

"As a matter of fact, I have several of them on my mind. Just don't forget to close the door." With that, she winked and disappeared into the bedroom. It took him exactly a tenth of a second to have the door slammed and locked, and half as much to catch up with her.

**…**

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**…..**

In the end, one of Renji's predictions came true-they really didn't leave the room for a week.

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**…**

**Score: Chizuru vs. Renji: The match ended in a draw**

A/N-As an apology for ruining the only positively homosexual character in the anime, I will write a yuri fic...a very massive one...with a crack couple. How does SunSun/SoiFon sound to you? There will be another chapter, I just can't finish without a drabble. Please review?

I'd say Happy Valentine's Day, but in my country, it's Trifon Zarezan, when we celebrate wine...typicult bulgarian behavior, when the whole world wants love, we get pissed drunk....ah, well. Happy Holidays. Cheers!

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	6. Love is

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Love is…

**...the folly around us…**

Her co-workers had never seen her like that. Pedantic, almost obsessed with her job, Chizuru had always been the first to arrive and the last to leave. The excuses she made up to get out on occasion were so pathetic in contrast to her sharp and intelligent nature made them wonder if they should pity her or support her. It was evident this was her first serious falling in love, and they mistook her eagerness to see her beau for folly.

Some of them decided that, since she was so young and inexperienced, they might want to give her some parental advice. The first time they tried to do that, she laughed. The second, she said she had some work to do. By the time their attempts became as pathetic as her excuses, she was in way too deep to go back, even if she wanted to.

Although, as it turned out, she never needed advice. Because even when Renji had her cornered, she knew how to turn the tables on him.

…**the summer of our youth…**

She'd never been short on cash, and being a child of divorced parents meant that she spent her holidays in different places every time. Whether it was the green fields of Ireland or the royal beauty of Kyoto, she was always surrounded by splendor. Chizuru never really understood why they went though the trouble to please her on holidays-because they loved her, or because they wanted the court to think they were good parents.

The reasons hadn't bothered her much. But, after that summer, she was surprised to find out she had never been truly happy.

Although they never left Karakura, Renji found ways to make their time together special. She never understood why onigiri tasted so great when you ate them on the roof of the library, or why a dip in the sea felt so great at sunrise, but she finally understood why being free felt so great.

And somehow, she managed not to regret the fact that she'd missed out on something like that.

…**the compromises we make…**

Renji had been worried at first. For at least seven years, his main goal had been to get her to admit she liked him and start dating her. One would think that for such a long time, he'd have thought about every aspect of a possible relationship, but the thing was that for all these months he'd been living on the edge of insanity-a part of him was incapable of believing that his crazy plan would actually work, another craved for her so much that it hurt.

After things settled down, however, questions came. Was he going to tell her everything? Was she going to ask? To say that his situation was suspicious was an understatement-he lived in a shop that sold nothing of use, he worked for the army, but he still had all his hair on his hair, and he went out in the middle of the night, only to come back tired and jarred…any woman would've been worried. So had Renji thought until reality struck him.

Chizuru wasn't any woman. She noticed, of course, and naturally, got worried for him, but she'd long learned that everybody needs space and that sometimes, you can't push it. So she waited for him to open up to her. Those were some of the most agonizing hours of her life…but she reminded herself that he'd waited for her seven years.

…**the shoulder we lie on…**

She wondered, idly, whether she should tell her parents about what was going on. After year two, things were getting pretty routine, and Renji was already beginning to show signs that he was ready to "take their relationship to another level". Of course, their relationship had never been the conventional type-he'd had to convince her of her own sexuality before they went anywhere, and there had been some interesting drugs thrown in the mix. But still, she felt that something wasn't right.

Chizuru had never had doubts about moving out of her father's place. She'd been planning it ever since she knew that she was allowed to, and she never planned on going back. Still, it felt rather wrong to announce your marriage to your parents by sending them a bunch of pictures and a telegram.

The newest house bunny slammed the door shut in her face when she came the first time. She screamed at her when she tried again. When she threatened to call the police, Chizuru gave up.

Renji made the call when they signed the papers, but he let her do the honor of telling him "I told you so!", before hanging up on both of them.

…**the confidence we share…**

Renji told her everything. Chizuru didn't scream or throw plates, but she did give him the silent treatment…

Or at least tried to. Her situation was a bit different than Kurosaki Yuzu's, and she couldn't think it over for a long time before her body reminded her that she needed him. Still, she told him that she wasn't going to have sneaking around, and they were going to do something about her knowing where she was.

In the end, they forgot about everything, but at least she wasn't guessing about him anymore.

…**the decisions we make together…**

"Only one in this family is going to have long hair, and since your friends wouldn't let you hear the end of it, it's going to be me." She told him. Renji, knowing that there was no point in arguing with her, carefully cut it until it was boyishly short, but still red and luscious.

Then he kissed her and told her that next time, she'd be the one handling the scissors.

**...the snow of February we hide from…**

Chizuru always said she wanted to die young, before people noticed that there was something seriously wrong with her husband. Renji always told her she was being stupid to give up on life like that.

The car crash delivered them quickly and painlessly, and yet something hurt when he saw her beloved face, smeared with blood and glass. He stroked her cheek and kissed her, until her spirit left her body and followed him to Seiretei.

…**and the warmth of May we crave…**

"How often does a girl marry for the first time…twice?" he asked her when he tried to celebrate his promotion to Captain by marrying her again.

To that, Chizuru replied by counting out the names of all her friends, starting from Rukia to Orihime.

…**and mostly-putting up with each other.**

It happened, less often than before, that they brought up the subject of the love potion and whose fault was it that this whole thing started.

They forgot about the argument soon enough.

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A/N-OMG, apparently, I can write something out of a threat. There's the finish to the crackiest crack I've ever written, that even convinced ME that they can work out. Has it convinced you? Come on, people, give me a feedback, please!


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